She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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