I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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