The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
