it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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