I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
