Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
