i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we have pet lesbian snakes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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