I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize