hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
