so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In America we eat man semen.
you win again, gameday.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
