i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
