just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
