i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize