You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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