thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
