I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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