I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize