I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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