After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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