Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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