Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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