So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
