so explain again why im purple
no
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
