Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
