I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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