someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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