Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
