Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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