dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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