Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
