That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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