At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
