i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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