woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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