All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
