dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm too high and old for this...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
