Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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