I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
