so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
