Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
