after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
