home. puking in laundry basket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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