I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
