so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
