fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
