I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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