Don't make out with my wife yet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
