I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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