i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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