hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
