you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
