ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
