The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
