just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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