just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
