im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
