do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
