Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
