My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Less talking, more tequila
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize