I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
