I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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