holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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