Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
