I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So many bounce houses so little time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
