I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
