; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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