WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
