I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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