I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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