2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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