i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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