So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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