Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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