he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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