i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
