can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
