fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
