They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize