I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
