Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
