hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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