I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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