I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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