guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
