Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
