I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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