If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
