End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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