and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
