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• (281): View more from Texas

  so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm that good.

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• (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...

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• (415): View more from California

  We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

  (916): View more from California

  Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

  (415): View more from California

  HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating

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• (914): View more from New York

  the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?

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• (650): View more from California

  Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them

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