I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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