Just cropdusted the office
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
