Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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