my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize