is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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