It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
