I love black thongs
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
