I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
