They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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