he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
